Friday, June 17, 2005

Gani writes in his blog diary of a milk. man... about his dreams with farting. Color me jealous, Toronto boy.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

"It's a family recipe"

On MADtv: Stuart and his alcoholic, slatternly mom were farting in front of the semi-gay neighbor in a skit in last night's rerun. They raised his hopes by packing as if to move, only to dash them on the rocks of gaseous reality.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Today ain't as bad as yesterday but I have a pipeline-load ready to be lit right now.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

There are days when I don't seem to fart at all. And then there's today when I seemed to fart no less than every half hour. Except, fortunately, when I was sitting and chatting with the bossman. Love that luck.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Wow, did you see Hugh Jackman and Billy Crystal blow big ones together during the opening bit of the 59th annual Tony Awards telecast? CBS' censors must have misunderstood what everyone elese heard so clearly. Very cool.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

This is the way we fart

We pull down our pants, slowly, all the way. Next we put both thumbs inside the elastic band around our briefs and pull them out and down but just enough to expose the gashole. No further. We slide our feet out just a bit for balance, bend forward. BLAM! The explosion is awesome. Fear our technique!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Fart Central was down this week with some, err, technical issues. The Management begs your pardon and hopes that everything has been cleared, that is, cleared up. Your BestFarts should resume regular gas deliveries.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Best Farts

Want to know a secret? George Bush farts whenever Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

A tribute to Pete Seeger

Where have all the good farts gone?
Long time passinging
Where have all the good farts gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the good farts gone?
Girls have smelled them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Monday, May 09, 2005

Family Guy is back and boy was last night's episode filled with farts and fart jokes. Stewie even burst a blood vessel in his right eye from blowing so hard! This is one show that I'm glad to see raised from the dead. More fart jokes, Seth!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Which is worse, a bad toothache or a lingering shower fart?

Friday, May 06, 2005

Parenting 101

I bet you didn't know that the Sith Knight has a blog: The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster. Shows off his funny side, as in today's entry about his encounter with Luke on Bespin, Parenting 101. Vader really writes in his own voice, even using words like farting. Once I read that I knew I had to link this much-maligned, misunderstood man/machine. So real, so entertaining.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

At this very moment I am sitting at the computer holding in a major fart. Can I hold it in? I could but that's too much work... ahhh, that feels so much better! I love the feeling of relaxation and emptiness right after a gas blast.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Real Salt Lake can take their Hispano-Mormon pretensions and fart all night into the uncomfortable, weird underwear required of the flock!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Do you like the new ad fashions over on the right? Aren't they just fartilicious? I think the vertical is simply slimming.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Lots of problems with the men's room at work this week. First one of the toilets wouldn't flush and the problem wasn't uncovered until after someone (else) made a non-refundable deposit. This was repeated 24 hours later, though the evidence was of the liquid variety instead, and the building manager was not happy to learn the previous day's service call hadn't been worth the fee. Wednesday's problem was different, one of the lightbulbs over the stalls was out; I thought someone else would tell but by midday Thursday no one had. Friday was finally bathroom problem free!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Poopy passed away, BestFarts bows his head in respect.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The first few minutes of the episode of ALF's Hit Talk Show (which wasn't a hit, of course) that I happened to see this morning opened with ALF burping. Turned out to be a set up for a faux bottled water ad skit. Very faux.

Friday, April 15, 2005

In a meeting with a co-worker this morning and at first I wasn't sure of what I heard. Then a few more noises. He was farting! Trying to keep it on the down low, but I heard them. FART!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The last few days have not been good, fartwise. Nothing much coming out of my bottom or from the TV screen. Saturday night, though, was great, Diarreah City! Maybe the sushi was a little oily or something. Sure did crap and blow it out though.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Today was a good day for farting. Those Klingons have it all wrong--it's never a good day to die. They can keep StoVoKor and the big barge, give me some asparagus and peanuts any day.